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July 10 whatever happened to the life that we once knewThe guy I was "seeing" and not officially dating is no longer a part of my life. I despise him and no longer EVER want to speak to him EVER again. He claimed all this crap about me and he NEVER calls me. I don't exist to him unless *I* call him. I'm DONE completely with ever finding someone to share a life with. It's over!!! This is probably one of the worst days of my ENTIRE life! He probably thinks it's funny. Sorry I have to vent somewhere! October 03 above us only skyI was deeply saddened to hear the following news about Flower from Meerkat Manor.
Gone but Not Forgotten  Flower, star of Animal Planet's popular series, Meerkat Manor, is survived by loving mate Zaphod and many children including Mozart, Mitch, Buster, Suggs and Izzy. Flower leaves behind a devastated meerkat mob now without its fearless leader. From humble beginnings, she created one of the largest, most close-knit families on the Manor. Affectionately referred to as the "Kalahari Desert Rose" by those who knew her best, she was a formidable leader and a noble mother.
Flower, born in 2000 and the matriarch to her family, the Whiskers, lived large for a 12-inch-tall meerkat. Under her reign, the Whiskers endured trials and tribulations, ranging from sibling rivalries to violent clashes with the Commandos and the Zappas, their neighboring rival families. Despite the chaos, Flower remained a source of stability for her family, often making life-or-death decisions without breaking a sweat or cracking a claw. An inspiration to her tribe, this fearless female was no "girly-girl." Flower ruled her family with an iron paw but still revealed her softer side when indulging in cuddles with her newborns or playing in the dirt.
Flower might have lived to see future generations of Whiskers if her life wasn't cut tragically short when she came face-to-masked-face with the snake that tragically dealt her final and fatal blow. Sadly, the Whiskers have felt the stinging bite of tragedy before, having lost Shakespeare, the heroic and valiant son of Flower, last winter.
The family has asked that all donations be made in Flower's name to the Fellow Earthlings' Wildlife Center.
June 21 gonna be a heartache tonight
Do you ever feel that you have SO many thoughts in your head that there is NO WAY that you can put them into a sentence that would make any sense? I just have this overwhelming feeling of thoughts in my head. I thought this blog would help me as a "release" but I'm not capable of it. I can hear the thoughts in my mind (no I'm not schizo) and what I think I'd write down but I think it would come out as some weird Harlequin romance novel. Maybe it's getting closer to Z-Day where he comes back and maybe we continue on the weird wacky path of a relationship or he doesn't even remember me. That's kinda sucky to be in that situation. I should be the one telling him to get lost for putting me in this terribly AWKWARD position. Who the heck does that? They tell you they're interested and want to get to know you and spend time with you blah blah blah and then they just up and leave and don't communicate with you for about 12 days. How am I supposed to construe that? I've been reading this book about how guys don't like women to be emotional. How can we NOT be emotional? I mean to think that maybe .... just MAYBE you may have met your "soulmate" and then it's taken away. I don't understand. I want to know why. I want some answers and the person who might know the answers doesn't even answer my calls. How can it not be construed as intentional rejection. I mean we may have excuses like ... death in the family, cellphone broke or lost, phone number lost, etc. It seems to scream out to me that my feelings were toyed with for two weeks and I've been thrown out like yesterday's garbage. I can admit that. Maybe I should be ready to accept it now instead of hearing it from the horse's mouth when he comes back. I have a huge void that never seems to be filled with anything but sadness and I'm tired of it. Hopefully I'll be able to look back at this particular blog entry and laugh or come to accept a reality that I had abandoned when I met "Z." Ok now that that's off my chest.
June 07 take a little piece of my heartWow two woes two days in a row. It's a miracle. I have a headache and it's right above my eyes. Getting a little better from this sinus infection. If I have to blow my nose or cough up phlegm any longer I'm just gonna scream. Well maybe not scream but maybe put on a frown. I feel lonely. Or maybe I'm just afraid.
It's
Day 2
of Z's departure on his vacation and I miss him naturally. I thought he might call me but I guess he's on vacation. I called him twice today and he didn't answer. I know he carries that phone with him EVERYWHERE so I guess I won't jump to conclusions. Yes I'm crazy I know you'll say it to yourself or think it. It's just 20 days is a freakin' long time. He could do soul searching and decide he's not ready or not ready for me. He could meet someone else. I just need to NOT overreact. Maybe act like I never met him. Anything just to get through this time he's gone. To think of the troops who leave for Iraq and there spouses have to wait MONTHS before they see them. If only he would just CALL ME today. That's all I'm asking for. A call to say that he's OK and things are fine. UPDATE: HE CALLED ME! During lunch I am just SO glad that he did. Yeah I should have faith and know things are ok and not get all DRAMATIC about it. A life has not been lost and even if he called and told me to take a flying leap I will still be me. Ok. I'm calm now. My other personality has taken over.
In lieu of my usual political statement I'd like to send out my condolences to the family of Kelsey Smith after she was viciously taken from this world by some animal who wouldn't know anything about the preciousness of a human life.
Rest in Peace Kelsey Smith. June 06 reunited and it feels so good
Nothing could suck more than what happened to me the day before yesterday. Well my friend I guess we can call him Z came back from his little vacation from visiting his parents in another part of the state. He had stated that when he got back he wanted to go to lunch on Monday and then go out at night on Tuesday and just spend time together and have fun. Ok he comes back and he has to cancel lunch on Monday b/c he has work to catch up on. Ok ... that's fine. I asked if he was sure about Tuesday and he said yes over and over and it was written in pen. Well I call Z on Monday night and he breaks the news that he's leaving on vacation for 20 DAYS tomorrow and we're going to have to reschedule our plans for when he comes back. He said he had completely forgotten about the trip and he was sorry he disappointed me but he'd make it up to me blah blah blah. I was upset and it felt like a sign that I really shouldn't be dating this guy. I wanted to call it off but I just decided to still make a go of it. I knew he was going away I just didn't know when. He said that after the 20 days he'll be able to spend all the time we want. After lunch we spent time at his apartment as he prepared and packed for his trip. He showed me all his little projects and things he's made. He still had pics of his ex on his refrigerator but he said he'd been meaning to get rid of them. No big deal they're just pictures. We just talked. I saw his music collection. He has Napster and it was nice. He was a perfect gentleman but I was feeling SO bad b/c of my sinus infection. I had to go to the doctor again to give me medicine. My head is throbbing from sinus pressure. I guess when I'm better I'll enjoy his company a WHOLE lot better. I just feel sick as a dog. I FEEL TERRIBLE!!!!
 So now I'll be without him for 20 days. Just the sporadic phone calls. His itinerary goes something like this. See if I remember. He's going to Washington D.C. to meet up with friends. Then he's going to the Poconos which I'm not sure where that is. New York I think. He's going to NASCAR. Then he's going to Florida to Universal Studios. Then some place off the Florida Keys. Then he comes back to me. So this is OFFICIALLY .... Day one
It's been ok. He hasn't called me and I haven't called him. I told him I really wouldn't call him b/c he'd probably be doing something having to do with vacationing. He said I could and if he was busy he wouldn't answer. I dunno. I don't want to seem TOO needy. I'm just going to miss him and worry that while he's away he'll change his mind or I dunno I guess I'm just being weird. Oh well. Have a wonderful day!
This little quiz brought to you by
 Julie, A Secret Agent is the man of your dreams
Mystery and intrigue — it's not just for action-adventure movies. It's what you are looking for in life and love. From spontaneous weekend getaways to notes stuck in your jean pockets, you love being surprised and appreciate the extra thought and effort that goes into making it happen.
June 01 WAR ... good God ya'll!I searched and searched on-line for this poem and could never find it. My Dad had a copy so I am finally going to print it here. I was going to do it for Memorial Day but I couldn't find it at the time and you don't have to wait for a specific day to wait for something like this so here we go. PLEASE read it all. We owe our servicemen and women that much. Thank you.
THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
SOME CALL ME POW...
SOME CALL ME MIA..
SOME SAY I CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN
SOME SAY I CHOOSE TO STAY.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
WHO YOU REFUSE TO KNOW
I'M THE BROTHER AND THE FRIEND
YOU LEFT SO LONG AGO.
I'M A FARMER FROM MISSOURI
A SOLDIER FROM ST. PAUL
I'M A SISTER'S HERO
I'M A NAME ON THE WALL.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
THE ONE YOU LEFT BEHIND
I'M THE COUNTRY BOY FROM TEXAS
WHO YOU NEVER TRIED TO FIND.
I'M SOMEONE'S LONG-LOST DADDY
I'M MY FATHER'S PRIDE AND JOY
I WAS SOMEONE'S GENTLE LOVER
AND SOMEONE'S LITTLE BOY.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
WITH NO MORE TEARS TO SHED
I'M THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST
I'M THE LIVING DEAD.
I'M A SAILOR AND A SCHOLAR
I'M THE BOY WHO LIVED NEXT DOOR
I'M THE POET AND THE DROPOUT
YOU SENT TO FIGHT YOUR WAR.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
WHO DREAMED YOU'D RESCUE ME
I'M THE MAN WHO UNDERSTANDS
ONLY DEATH WILL SET ME FREE.
HOW COULD YOU JUST FORGET ME?
SHOULD I FORGET YOU TOO?
YOU MUST TRY AND BRING ME HOME
FOR I BELONG TO YOU.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
WHOSE CRIES ARE ALL IN VAIN
WOULD YOU FINALLY COME FOR ME
IF YOU COULD FEEL MY PAIN?
MY COUNTRY HAS BETRAYED ME
BUT I'VE FORGIVEN YOU
AND EVERY NIGHT I PRAY TO GOD
THAT HE'LL FORGIVE YOU TOO
I'M TIRED AND I'M HUNGRY
I'M LONELY AND I'M COLD
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
WHOSE BEEN BOUGHT AND SOLD.
IF YOU WOULD LOOK AROUND YOU
YOU WOULD SEE MY FACE
THAT MAN STANDING NEXT TO YOU
COULD BE HERE IN MY PLACE.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER
THE ONE FOR WHO YOU CRIED
I'M THE ONE THAT YOU CAN'T FACE
THE ONE THEY TOLD YOU DIED.
WE FOUGHT THAT WAR TOGETHER
AT MUGIA AND PLEIKU
HAD YOU BEEN THE ONE WE LEFT
I WOULD HAVE COME FOR YOU.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLIDER
WHO LONGS TO BE FREE
WHEN YOU CALLED I ANSWERED
HOW WILL YOU ANSWER ME?
I WANT TO LIE DOWN BESIDE YOU
I WANT TO DIE IN YOUR ARMS
I JUST WANT YOU TO HOLD ME
AND HELP ME TO HANG ON.
I'M THE UNKNOWN SOLIDER
THE ONE YOU THREW AWAY
SOME CALL ME POW...
SOME CALL ME MIA...
BY Patty O'Grady
daughter of Col. John O'Grady
presumed captured border Laos/Vietnam
April 10, 1967
Line 12 Panel 18E
Sidenote: My uncle was a brother and a friend. He was the country boy from Texas and someone's long-lost Daddy. He was a sister's hero. He was a father's pride and joy. He was someone's gentle lover and someone's little boy. Pfc. Servando Gonzalez was the oldest son of Manuel and Refugia Gonzalez. He left behind a daughter he never met and a mother who refused to have memorial services for him for someday she knew he'd return. Missing in Action on the Beaches of Normandy June 6, 1944. Age 21.
May 14 I believe in miraclesAh yes my life just can't get any more wonderful than it already is right now. I guess I should begin at the wonderful Mother's Day I had yesterday. We had made plans the day before that me and my brother would take my mother out to eat at this place that serves real good old fashioned hamburgers. We had it set and I had to work in the morning so I told my Mom that when I got out of work at 3 p.m. we could head to the place and meet my brother, his wife and his two sons at the restaurant. Ok so I get out of work and call my Mom's cellphone so she can get ready to go and I get no answer. I think I called her phone 5 times and same thing ... no answer. I called our home phone and no answer. I get home and nobody is there and my brother calls me that he's been trying to get in touch with her all day and she doesn't answer her phone. Well I get home and the reason she's not answering her cell is because she left it at home. I know where she is because I know my mother. She's playing those gambling 8 liner machines in a neighboring town. So I wait FIVE hours and she FINALLY comes home as if there's nothing wrong. I tell her "Didn't we make plans to go eat lunch?" She said she didn't want to go and that she was mad at my brother b/c my brother had come the night before and had been in a bad mood. So she decided to go somewhere else for Mother's Day. She also said that I hadn't told her Happy Mother's Day and she was feeling sad. That's NO freakin' excuse. I mean what the hell just punish us for something for something so small. I just stayed in my room and locked the door and cried for about 3 hours. She also doesn't like the fact that I spend time with a really good friend of mine. She doesn't like this person and I know she doesn't like her. I just feel I have to give up the friendship with her to make my mother happy. To be right there when my mother snaps her little fingers and I'll come running like a good dedicated daughter. I'm just SO SICK of these mind games and guilt trips that I'm given. In many ways I want her to leave my house and just live somewhere else. She's intentionally trying to ostracize herself from us and it pisses me off. We didn't deserve what she did to us. Calling and calling her and her not even showing up or having the decency to call and let us know she didn't want to spend time with her children on Mother's Day. I'm just tired of it all. I just don't understand her. I think what she did was cruel and inexcusable. So that was my wonderful day in a nutshell. I'm sure no one can top that. The thing that makes me hurt the most is the fact that I have to give up a wonderful friend and my only friend to appease the savage beast.
March 30 it's a place where the garden never growsI FEEL just COMPLETELY FRAZZLED emotionally, physically and mentally. Maybe this is the beginning of insanity. It's just MAJOR stressing.
First and foremost, my Godchild Anastacia has been sick with a fever the past few days. On Monday night I took her and her crying mother to the hospital ER and we waited there until 2 a.m. for the doctor to tell us it's just a fever go home. So the next day she had an appointment with the pediatrician and the doctor admits her into the hospital. She was there Wednesday and Thursday and then last night they decided to transfer her to a Children's Hospital about an hour away. Her crying and hysterical mother calls me at work and gives me this information. I tell her well she'll be in the best of care and if the ambulance doesn't let you ride with her I'll take you. Her husband was working offshore so it's pretty much just her. Now she's at this children's hospital in ICU and they THINK that she may have a throat infection that made her throat swell and she has blisters in her throat as well. She hasn't eaten in the past week. First they thought it was pneumonia, then sleep apnea and now maybe her adenoids or tonsils. A throat specialist was going to come in to see her and give a proper diagnosis. I'm just worried about her and I'm afraid. She's only 18 months old. She weighs about 24 pounds. She's a cutie. When they were taking her and her mommy on the stretcher she stretched out her hands to me and wanted me to take her. Her mom tells me she's hooked up to all these machines and getting oxygen and has her own nurse watching her 24/7 in case something happens. That if it was necessary to perform a tracheotomy that they would. She's too little to being picked and prodded. She screamed and screamed when they put the IV in and I had to help hold her down. It's a rough thing to do. Last night the ambulance came to take them to the Children's Hospital at about 11:30. I got out of work at 9:30 determined to see her before they transferred her. I ask that for those of you who believe to pray for this little girl and her family. Give them strength and ask that she is healed of all infirmities. My mom tells me not to get upset that I have to think about myself and I have them and to not get into the depression rut. I have to care for her at least. I have to work tonight so I'm not sure whether just to get updates from her parents or to miss work and travel the hour to get to the hospital. I would think in ICU they limit the visitors so I don't know what to do. Her Dad came back from being offshore to be with his family and his parents are there so that's 4 people there already. Maybe in a way I'm a coward and I don't want to see her suffering. I'm really not sure. So I dedicate this entry to the health and well being of little Anastacia. Get well my little monkey.
No political cartoon today. January 23 missing youIn loving memory of Yolanda M. Hinojosa
EDINBURG - Yolanda M. Hinojosa, 52, died Friday, January 19, 2007, at Edinburg Regional Medical Center.
Born in Reynosa, Tamps., Mexico, Mrs. Hinojosa had lived in Edinburg most of her life. She was a member of Jehovah's Witness South Central Congregation in Edinburg. She was preceded in death by a son, Ruben A. Hinojosa; and her father, Juan Antonio Morales. Mrs. Hinojosa is survived by her husband, Ruben Hinojosa De La Garza of Edinburg; three children, Oscar Hinojosa, Jacqueline Hinojosa, Janet Hinojosa, all of Edinburg; her mother, Aurora F. Morales of Edinburg; three brothers, Ismael Morales of Soledad, California, Israel Morales of Chular, California, Juan Morales of Salinas, California; eight sisters, Irma Hinojosa, Maria Isabel Santellana, Maria Guadalupe Perez, Frances Guzman, Josie Tanamachi, Mary Lou Garcia, all of Edinburg, Ninfa Indalecio of Mission and Rosa Maria Chavez of Jacksonville, Florida. Visitation will be held from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m., with a 7 p.m. talk, today, January 21, 2007, at Memorial Funeral Home, 208 East Canton in Edinburg. Funeral service will be at 1 p.m., Monday, January 22, 2007, at Memorial Funeral Home Chapel in Edinburg. Interment will follow at Hillcrest Memorial Park in Edinburg. Funeral services are under the direction of Memorial Funeral Home in Edinburg. Mrs. Hinojosa is the wife of our contractor. May she rest in peace.
January 22 only the good die youngWhy is it that it seems whenever you feel you're getting ahead you're actually falling behind? I've been trying to save money and it seems no matter how much I try to save I end up in the huge hole of debt. I'm afraid and nervous about life. I feel much despair. I don't spend much money at all but I still have no money to show and I also have a second job so where is it going? I just feel completely stressed and going out of my mind. I swear that I took $1,000 and gave it to my parents but my mom said I didn't. So where did that $1,000 go or did it even exist? I think maybe it's lost or somewhere I need to look. I'm just going crazy here. Is it like this when you start the home buying process? Panic seems to have set in. I am SO tense. Why don't money woes ever seem to disappear. I seem to remember other blog entries dealing with financial status. I feel overwhelmed. Why do I have such feelings of doom and failure? Is this normal? January 16 if you like pina coladasHey all you beautiful people. I finally submitted my application and NOT my resignation to the main office. It was freakin' cold outside and I froze my butt off but I took it over. I was a bit apprehensive at first to turn the application in. You seem to get comfortable with the familiar and the smoothness of a job you already have a hold on. The unknown and unfamiliar is not in the "comfort" zone for most people. Change is a strange thing. When you're used to doing the same thing day after day then knowing you may be changing your daily groove you start to question whether you're making the right decision. I guess it's a risk that may have good or bad consequences but you have to take risks if you are to grow whether it's financially, physically, mentally, spiritually or whatever-ally. I'm taking a risk in having a house built and hopefully I'll continue to earn the same wages that will help me continue to make the next 360 payments. It's scary but I'm reaching a goal of having something to show for my income. I'm reaching a milestone in life. Ho-hum I'm soooo glad I'm not working tonight. It's freakin' cold down here and it's supposed to sleet or even snow. Maybe we'll be lucky enough to not even come to work with road closures. Well one can dream. It's 38 degrees F and the wind chill is 30. Trust me for being Texas it's COLDDDDD. For being South Texas this is road and school closure time. So I've got 25 minutes to ponder life and get ready to go home. Tonight is Dateline about those two boys that were found in Missouri. Have a fabulous day. All My Loving, Julie  and I HATE pina coladas and I HATE that song too! January 11 welcome to the jungleNutrisystem! Jenny Craig! Weight Watchers! Slim Fast! STOP THE MADNESS!!!
That was the first commercial I saw for the new year. Geesh man why is it that everyone gets on the weight loss wagon so quickly. I've started on the band wagon as well. Actually I'm now on the wagon or probably pushing the wagon. All my progress from last year practically went down the drain. Now time for portion control and lunchtime exercising. How exciting!! I guess I shouldn't feel to bad. It's self pity. I know I can do it. It's just getting lazy. I'm going to go back on Weight Watchers and start my exercising. It's just NO FAIR sometimes but that's life.
Marta has the right attitude by throwing away the scale and just going by how your clothes fit but I need the scale. At least once a week. It just sucks once those clothes start to feel snug and you feel as big as a house. I'm exaggerating ... maybe. I just get SO FREAKIN' HUNGRY. I think it's hormonal. I get chills, crying spells and INTENSE hunger. My gynecologist tells me it's just me. She's done tests and all that and I have no problems. I'll just live with my curse. *sigh*
No "TRIM SPA BABY!"
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies. Unknown  Just DON'T take away my Margaritas!!! January 10 I've paid my duesWell I'm taking the plunge and not that kind of plunge. I'm going after the almighty brass ring. I've decided to apply for a teaching position at the university. I have a job. It pays well and it's easy to do but it's not in my field. It doesn't satisfy me. It's not a job that fits my qualifications. I have a freakin' doctorate and I'm someone's assistant. Unbeknownst this university doesn't really like hiring their own offspring. It's almost considered to be inbreeding. I scoff at that notion since they do it for certain individuals who have the "qualifications" the university needs. "Gee I've been working here awhile do you think my wife can get a teaching job here?" I'm sure many of you are saying "But can't you just move and find a teaching job at another school?" Look I'm building a house, I have parents to support, I have two boys who look up to me and I watch out for them. Leaving is not an option. I know it's going to be hard to get the lecturer position but I'll never know if I don't try. I know my current boss doesn't think I'm faculty material. You know how you've known someone all your life or know some of their capabilities. Like you see Lil' Johnny the paper boy and then 10 years later you just don't see him becoming a doctor or a lawyer b/c you saw when he delivered your paper late or he didn't deliver it at all. You see that person as they are and never see them go beyond those expectations. My brother had a similar experience with a manager at his store. He never saw my brother as management material b/c my brother was the guy who barbecued outside and that's all he saw that my brother was capable of. Everyone has expectations of what they BELIEVE a person can do and never look beyond that. It's sad that you have to leave an area to prove yourself worthy. Yeah I guess they want you to spread your knowledge to other places but hey some of us have no options. It's not fair when only some are hired and others are turned away. It's discrimination. A friend of mine was told she would never be hired and the next day a girl came in with the same qualifications and she was hired. I smell a lawsuit. Prayers and good lucks are needed my way. I'm sending in my stuff this week. See what happens. If it's meant to be then it's meant to be. At least I know I tried. Now for some edge numbing liquid anesthetic.  Hooray!All My Loving, Julie January 05 my head grew heavy and my sight grew dimI have looked through various '70's compilations and have come up with THE album of albums. THIS is the one thing I would love getting as a belated Christmas gift. I've searched high and low and here it is. Undercover Angel - Alan O'Day Sky High - Jigsaw Cat's in the Cradle - Harry Chapin Bad Bad Leroy Brown - Jim Croce She's a Lady - Tom Jones Drift Away - Dobie Gray Jackie Blue - Ozark Mountain Daredevils Gold - John Stewart Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill Rock Me Gently - Andy Kim Go All the Way - Raspberries Magic - Pilot Devil Woman - Cliff Richard It Never Rains in Southern California - Albert Hammond Magnet and Steel - Walter Egan Brother Louie - Stories A Little More Love - Olivia Newton-John Against the Wind - Bob Seger and the Silver
Bullet Band Lonesome Loser - Little River Band Couldn't Get It
Right - Climax Blues Band Whenever I
Call You Friend - Kenny Loggins Superstar - The Carpenters So if anyone has these songs lying around just feel free to smack them onto a CD and send them to me directly. I just LOVE these songs. I'm sure these are the most obscure songs anyone has ever heard. I'm sure most of you have never heard of these before. I'm going out of state to Louisiana this weekend so wish me luck. Be back on Monday. All My Loving, Julie December 21 with love from me to youI have failed in one of my tasks as an MSN Spacer. I signed up for the Christmas Guestbook Signing event at Danny's space and I have failed to visit the other spacers. I have excuses but I'm sure they are not important since many took the time to leave presents and words of kindness. I am truly sorry and hope I do not repeat this on another space event. Please accept my apologies. Angry comments are welcome. I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Holiday.
Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year filled with love, guidance and the grace of God.
I'll be back on January 2nd. Be careful to everyone.
All My Loving,
Julie
December 15 hard habit to break     Ah yes Christmas is just around the corner. 10 days away to be almost exact depending if you count Christmas day. I DO NOT feel at all in the Christmas spirit this year. It doesn't even feel like Christmas and I'm not sure why. I've just been so busy with work and getting the house going that it's gone unnoticed. I guess because we decided not to exchange gifts because of the cost of the home and I don't even think I'd have time to buy gifts this year. I hardly have time to find for my co-workers and a few friends. Imagine having to buy for the entire family. My hours have been terrible. I work from 8 a.m. to 12 midnight Tues., Wed., Thurs., and Fri. I'm completely POOPED. My mom says to call in sick to work. I just can't because I know they are depending on me at work. Then I got the massive finger from job #1 because I will have to take some work home and do it over the holidays. Me HODIERON muchisimo! I don't really want anything for Chrismtas either. I just want time I guess. Sometimes I just find Christmas depressing. You reflect back on your life and you think back to those people who aren't here to celebrate with you. I always think of those departed from me and how Blue Christmas is without them. It's the birth of Jesus Christ and that's a happy occasion but I just can't help but feel blue. Then today was the day from hell at work. Everything that could go wrong did and my boss wasn't very happy today. I think about what to do after the house is built and letting go of working at the Dollar Tree but I'm not sure I'd want to let it go. But then I'd be giving up that time to the store instead of my family. I just like the job alot. Maybe I could give up the Assistant manager part but I don't know. It's just a cool responsibility and I'm proud of my achievements. I just don't know what to do about that. I guess I'll just have to leave it to God to decide for me. So I guess that's my blog for today. Sorry so down. Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Thanks to everyone for the presents for the GB signing event.
        October 19 love isn't always on timeI feel so blech today. First of all I've got these stupid allergies that give me this hacking cough, stuffed nasal passages and just this feeling of weakness. Then of course I have this nauseating feeling that I can't quite shake. I guess I worry. I'm worried about the house and all the stuff I guess. All this business about having the perfect credit and having to make sure I have positive balances in my bank account. I guess I used to be an irresponsible person at times with finances. I had a company withdraw money for a product I ordered at the wrong time and it put me in the red at the bank and I had to pay a non sufficient fund fee and I just worry it will mess up my loan with the bank even though I've been pre-approved. I haven't made any purchases. I just have the money in the wrong places. My checking is empty but I have money in my credit union and then in another savings account. I guess today has just not been a very lucky day for me. I should feel blessed for this day that I'm able to work and talk and see and hear. I shouldn't be blinded by selfishness and not be thankful for what I have. I just ask for patience and guidance from above and hope that things will turn out alright. I just ask from above that you be patient with me and that I'm still learning how things work in the world. Bless those who don't have as much as I do.
Today we took our boss to lunch today and I paid. My stupid card wouldn't go through so I guess that was God's way of telling me to check my bank account and see what's going on. We had a nice lunch and now I'm just waiting until 5 p.m. comes around to hit the road. I have training tonight to re-learn how to use those e-scan and e-slate machines for the elections in November. I'm Alternate Precinct 10? judge for my county. It's a boring job but someone has to do it. Since we got this new fangled machines so people can vote they haven't really gone over all that well. I guess it's pretty easy but lots of times people fear change. If the bigger cities have made the switch then maybe we won't have a problem with the transition to them either. It's a long training session. Four hours on how to use these machines. I already learned it last election and they want me to learn it again. Ummmmm no. I'll be in the back and just sign in my name and then make a fast get-away. I have way better things to do like watch CABLE!!! Yes ... my mother finally couldn't stand it anymore and we got cable tv again. It sucked to have only 8 or so channels to watch. I was watching VH1 and Court TV last night. Now I can watch Family Jewels and Meerkat manor. How cool. Peace and blessing be with everyone. Have a wonderful night.
This Day In Music History
"Nothing from Nothing" by Billy Preston topped the charts for a week. (1974)
Today the song "Take On Me" by A-Ha topped the charts for a week. (1985) Conquer the Craving
ABCD approach to saying no to unwanted cravings. The A stands for "act" -- do something to distract yourself when you feel a craving coming on. The B means "breathe," in and out, slowly, for a few minutes. If those haven't worked, move on to C and "consume" something healthy to replace your craving, such as chewing sugarless gum or eating veggie sticks or fruit slices. If you're still feeling the need, try D for "defer," and put off reaching for the banned food. Instead, call a friend who can support you in the situation, or try writing down your thoughts and feelings to help put things in perspective.
CHEW ON THIS: Remember, October is National Seafood Month. Fish is super-healthy, and it's supposed to be great for your brain, too!
October 12 don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself"Your love has set my soul on fire
Burnin' out of control Ya taught me the ways of desire, Now it's takin its toll!" Gee this has been quite an interesting day. Or maybe I should just say it was an interesting night at work. I am SOO tired and I work tonight and tomorrow and Saturday. It's tough pulling those 16 hour days and feeling sore from running the stupid mile and a half in the blazing sun. I think I got heat stroke yesterday from doing that. Then I was just sweating profusely at work for no reason. I seem to sweat more these days and I'm not exactly sure why that is. I drink alot of water so maybe it's that. I know that "Animals Voice" visits the space and I know how you feel about animals but I've just got to say what I have to say. We have a minor mouse problem at the store I work at. We put the glue traps and a few mouse traps. Well the other day I was cleaning an area that seemed to be a nest of some sort. Well a mouse came running out and the only weapon available to me was a box of Reynolds Wrap Aluminum Foil. So I smacked it with the Aluminum Foil and that ended that. But those little things are destructive creatures. We've lost ALOT of money from them trying to chew and eat everything not to mention they are disease carriers. I gave them their chance to vacate the premises.
Anyway, I guess something else happened I have to air out. I'll explain this way. Have you ever wanted to do something like go to the movies, go on a date, kiss someone, etc. but you couldn't do it with the person YOU wanted to so you saw someone who was available and went for them. I guess in a way you chose second best instead of waiting for the right person. I just REALLY needed that social interaction that I hadn't had in so long and I saw the opportunity and I used someone. I feel guilty and a little ashamed I guess. So I'll do what other people do I'll shift the blame elsewhere. Why does God put people with bad intentions in my path? Is it a test? I kissed someone who was attached to someone else and I really had no feelings for him. I just needed the kiss. I needed to feel it again. I think it's been about 3 years since I kissed a guy. Can I get even cornier than this that I needed to feel like a woman? Does a kiss really do that? I just wanted to feel needed or desired or cared for. I mean I was probably being used too but I don't know. I'm just confused. I should just tell this guy to leave me alone and just forget it. Steer clear of the temptation and wait and don't go for second best. Never settle for the first thing that comes along. It'll just end up with someone else getting what they want with me ending up with nothing but a broken heart, mind and spirit. If it feels wrong then it is wrong ... right?
Added comment: It was a mistake that will be remedied. I want to continue to remain a respectable young woman. To be able to hold my head up high and not be someone's dirty little secret.
October 04 stairway to heavenMy deepest sympathy goes out to the families of the victims and the perpetrators of these horrendous crimes.
In Colorado,  Emily Keyes, 16
In Wisconsin,
Principal John Klang, 49 In Pennsylvania, Naomi Rose Ebersole, 7
Anna Mae Stoltzfus, 12 Marian Fisher, 13 Mary Liz Miller, 8
and her sister Lena Miller, 7. Rest in Peace
in the vast Kingdom of God.
To the perpetrators,
May God Have Mercy on Your Souls. September 07 you know it don't come easyAhhh today is Tipsy Thursday or from the movie “Failure to Launch” it’s Champagne Thursday. I just crave that wonderful liquid nectar. Do I sound like an alcoholic or what? Those frozen Strawberry Margaritas were just so LOVERLY at the casino. I’d make my own at home but I don’t have a blender. I guess when my home is completed I can buy my blender and have my own lil margarita parties. My microwave is falling apart so they better hurry up and finish my home even though I’ll probably buy another microwave. I think my microwave is 20 years old. It will be a shame that he didn’t get to live to see our new home. What a pity. I am deeply ashamed at my actions today. I’ve been having a really off-balance hormonal problem all week. I missed a pill for one day and my hormones are just all out of whack. I’ve been having hot flashes and chills, weepy, REALLY hungry, great fatigue and just general anxiety. Stupid hormones. The action to which I refer is that I ate a whole bag of sugar free cookies but OH MAN I AM SO FULL. I just feel like I’m going to bust. I don’t think I’ll eat those cookies EVER! I just feel like blech! I’m SO sleepy too. And I’m cold too!! I finally got to watch my first Netflix movie last night … “Failure to Launch.” I”ll be putting my review up as soon as possible. So now I’ll be sending it back and getting another movie that will take me forever to watch. MSN has been strange. Now I can ONLY publish using explorer but can view spaces using Firefox. Isn’t that just the strangest? Oh well. Toodles to all and have a wonderful day! This Day in Music History CHEW ON THIS: This Saturday, September 9th, is National Hot Dog Day. Celebrate with some yummy 45-calorie 97% Fat Free Hebrew National Franks. Thanks for the picture Vikki. I love him and he sums up things pretty well. If I could figure out how to add him to this blog I'd be happier but nooooo it won't let me *sigh* |
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